~MikeyBlighe

The Times' response to this story right here.

Location: Alice Springs District Court, Northern Territory, Australia, Judge Arnold Rawprawn presiding. The judge is addressing the defendant in the dock:

Judge: Right, mate, I've had a Captain Cook at this charge sheet and it says you were dodging Skippy on the blacktop when the Blue Heelers pulled you over - and you had a case of beer in the back of your car secured with a seatbelt, while a five-year old child was sitting on the floor. Is this true?

Defendant: Yes, but...

Judge: Don't but me mate. This is one of the most outrageous matters I've ever had before me.

Defendant: Yes, but...

Judge: This case stinks worse than a dead wallaby's armpit. It's a sad day for Aussie justice when a feller can be arrested for exercising his God-given right to protect his tinnies. Seems to me these coppers don't know Christmas from Bourke Street. They've got a kangaroo loose in the top paddock, am I making myself clear here?

Defendant: Crystal, your honour.

Judge: It's a question of priorities. When your mouth's as dry as a dead dingo's donger you don't want to crack open a coldie and have it spray all over you because the amber nectar's been agitated, do you?

Defendant: No, your honour.

Judge: Now, about this ankle-biter. Did he complain?

Defendant: No, your honour.

Judge: Good little feller. Did he drink any of the beer?

Defendant: No, your honour.

Judge: What is he? Some kind of pooftah? Actually, no, strike that. I was 7 when I had me first schooner, so he has a couple of years yet. How many tinnies were in the car?

Defendant: Thirty, your honour.

Judge: And how many of them are now in my chambers?

Defendant: Twelve, your honour.

Judge: Dinkum. Case dismissed.

Copyright of Ross Anderson and The Times.

All joking aside though, this case is a shocker. Unbelievable.

And in case it wasn't already blatantly obvious, I am definitely not condoning this kind of behaviour. The thing above this is called a joke. If the child has beens eriously injured or killed, this joke would be in extremely bad taste.